What if the road to Ash’s life long battle with the evil dead was paved long ago by a single fateful event…
DRIVEN TO MADNESS
An Ash vs Evil Dead short story By Michael P. Shipley
An old man crashes through the doors of Ted’s Superclub and bellows to the security guard, “Where’s Ashley Williams?!”
“Ash! Customer! Get yer ash up here. Ha ha. I said ash.”
Ash, who had been polishing the shotguns lovingly, again, gave Larry the finger and meandered to the front of the store.
“Can I help you sir?”
The old man grabs Ash by the lapels.
“Where’s the bitch!?”
Ash, indignant, pushes the old man away, “What are you talking about sir?”
“Where is that car! Tell me!”
“The yellow one, the one with the witch in it!”
“MY car? There’s no witch in my car sir.
“Yes there is! Show me!”
“Sure old timer, anything to get you outta the store. My boss is giving me a dirty look.”
Ash leads the man to his car. Mathias quickly pulls out a black book from his bag. With trembling hands and a shaky voice, he begins to read:
“Conda, resota, lunitos…”
Ash’s eyes widen as the car begins to vibrate.
“Spirotos, imtas, putos…”
Suddenly the car turns on by itself and revs its engine. Ash is flabbergasted.
“Hey wait a minute, are you from the bank? I’ve made all my payments!”
The old man looks at Ash with bloodshot eyes, “I made a huge mistake. I thought I killed her, but when I heard news of a ghost car, I knew I hadn’t finished the job. It took me 30 years but I finally found the bitch. Let me explain…”
As Mathias tells the story we transition to a flashback sequence where we see that the car was previously owned by a beautiful but deadly woman, Lythalia, a witch who was murdered in the car by the legendary witch hunter, Mathias Stormare.
Unfortunately Stormare only killed her body, not her evil rotten soul which managed to slither away into the molecular structure of the thick iron metal of the Delta 88.
Not realizing the witch was still alive in the bowels of this machine, Mathias sold the car to a used car dealership in Royal Oak, Michigan.
After the coast was clear, the witch tried but failed to extricate herself from the strange metal of this car. She used all her powers, even calling upon Cthulu himself for help, but he couldn’t hear her, the metal was infused with an alloy known as “cold iron,” unique to Michigan, that blocked all ethereal transmissions. She raged at her metallic prison for years but to no avail. She was trapped, forever.
Enraged, she lashed out at anyone who came near the car, making it hard for the salesmen to sell it. Anyone who got in the car heard a maniacal women scream from the trunk and it became known as the “haunted mafia car.” She vowed to put a life long curse on anyone who ever took possession of it.
For years the Olds languished on the lot until one day a young man test drove it. Lythalia screamed maniacally as loud as she could but he didn’t seem to notice. Ash had a head cold that day.
With his meager earnings from S-Mart, Ash bought the car for $500, on credit.
Lythalia, as you might expect, was not happy. She summoned all her hex power and secretly cursed poor Ash to a life of unspeakable horrors.
“And that’s the story. Now let me finally kill this witch!”
Ash couldn’t believe it. “You’re sayin’ my car put a curse on me and made me kill my girlfriend? Made me lop off my arm at the wrist? Made me fight the *beep* undead in medieval England? I’m gonna kill that car myself!”
Mathias held Ash back. “No! Only the proper words will do it!”
Mathias quickly read from the book and prepared to say the final words, the words to exorcise the demon Lythalia from the car and destroy her evil soul forever.
“I didn’t kill you witch. I will kill you now!”
But before Mathias could speak the final incantaion, the Delta 88 roared. Its tires screeched. It launched forward and ran Mathias over. And over. And over again. About 30 times, give or take.
Now that Ash knows the truth, he knows what he must do. He must wage war against this she-bitch from hell, Lythalia, to finally free himself of the curse that had plagued him his entire life. There used to be a medium in Mexico that could remove curses, her name was Madam Lucy, but he’s going to need help finding her. Where’s Pablo…